Iffer ([info]pink_endlicheri) wrote,
@ 2007-08-08 16:29:00
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Current mood: tired
Current music:Mr.Children - youthful days

LIFE, LIFE, LIFE
One day I'll become a star, brighter than all the others in the sky,
And that day I'll shine in rainbow all over the world.

I've been trying to write songs again... but why lyrics sound like they're translated from Japanese these days... ><

Life itself is strange for me these days... I feel like I've done a complete turn around but remained in the same spot at the same time. Everything's always paradoxial like that with me... Maybe it's because in the end nothing really changes, but I'm clinging on to some faint hope that it does.

Either way... it feels strange. I don't think I've ever been this unsure of myself up until now. Like, I'm more confident than ever in the ego sense, but when I look at myself from a distance, I don't know if I'm all to pleased with the way I'm taking things now.

I've been wishing harder than ever that I'll die young these days. Don't take it the wrong way though. I'm in no sense depressed or anything, but I'm just not impressed with what the future has to offer me. So I just don't want to deal with it. It's childish, I know. It's not like I'm going to make an effort to make that wish come true or anything, but I just think it'd be the easiest end to my story.

I don't know what more I really want from this life.

Coming from a kid turning 21 in a month... pretty lame, I am. Haha.

I guess I should put my efforts into looking for something instead of hoping to escape. I should be that mature at least, right?

Peace.


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[info]primea
2007-08-19 07:37 pm UTC (link)
i don't know your situation, neither your problems but things you wrote there seems to be alike with my own feelings at some part, so i can't stand not commenting-sorry if you don't want me to.

why do you say that things doesn't seems to change? you should be proud of yourself, it takes really much of human to even want to change something, and everytime you wonder if anything has actually changed-just that wondering changes lots of things, just like every word, every smile, every touch and every tear. when you want to change soemthing, no matter what it is-you just have to know you can do it, that's the only way as far as i know. if only someone believe he is able to change something, he surely can do it, but worring like 'i can'd do it, it's unreasonable, it's too hard'...things like that only make one feel more and more senseless and in the end make one give up. people who give up on things, give up on themselves, aren't they? and how can possibly a person who noticed some things and want to change them one day just wake up and say 'it's the end, i won't try again'? hope isn't faint-hope is very powerful, hope lets us live the way we believe is the best.
if you don't like your future, you simply can not die young, it's illogical. because only alive you can change your future as many times as you want and no one would have the right to stop, why would you stop yourself and your hopes with something as stupid as death?
easiest way is always the hardest one, did you know that? easy doesn't mean simple and nice, it means only short and who wouldn't want to be happy as long as he could?^^ even if sometimes it means putting more effort.

you don't know what you want from life? then maybe try wanting all it has? cause life is yours and for you, it's damn important and personal thing and having it is the best thing in the world, ask anyone who isn't alive by now.

and why do you have to be mature? just what means being mature? being happy and honest with yourself is much more important, isn't it?

ah, sorry again for so long comment and talking about so many private things

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[info]pink_endlicheri
2007-08-20 01:02 pm UTC (link)
Don't apologize, I'd disable comments if I really didn't want them. Haha.

You're right about a lot of things. Everything you mentioned I do know logically in the back of my mind, there are just times, I'm sure everyone has them, when one is attacked by an onslaught of emotions and tend to forget about the logical aspect of things.

You're very right though. And I do have no intention of giving up. Thanks though. That's one of the most refreshing comments I've received in a long while.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]primea
2007-08-24 03:41 pm UTC (link)
you're welcome^^

and yes, everyone has times like that, but the point is to never forget completely about important things. once, i forgot, that's why i wrote so much about it to youXD"

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